12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
