Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
