No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
