Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
