I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
