dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
