i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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