I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
