well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This house was built for laser tag.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
