i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
