DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
