sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found your dick twin last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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