Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
