Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
