So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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