who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
