sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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