his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
