I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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