We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
