I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
