I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
