Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
