girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
