i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
