There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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