apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
