I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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