Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
