God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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