Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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