Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's official drugs can't kill me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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