Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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