So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
