I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
