dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
