U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize