I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
