Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
