my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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