Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize