The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
