i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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