hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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