We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
