so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
FUCK WHALES
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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