i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
