just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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