Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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