I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
