why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
