i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize