So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
