dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
