He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
