I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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