Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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