either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
