Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
