I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
