Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
