It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
