i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
