12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
