so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All the doctor said was why
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
