you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
