New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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