My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
