He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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