I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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