The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
