Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
