but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
