During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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