she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
