i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
