Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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