dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
